ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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