I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
