I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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