My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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