that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
