k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
