it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
