Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
