You're so nebulous sometimes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
