I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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