Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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