PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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