I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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