so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
