You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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