My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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