ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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