there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
