she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
