ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize