1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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