I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
