Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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