Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
