Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
