Where is the hickey?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
