we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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