is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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