Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
