I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize