Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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