if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk is not a location!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
wow bdsm is so cute
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
