At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
