I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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