Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
