I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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