the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
