matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
