Having a random hookup so left but love u
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
