That's intense
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
