she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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