I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
