My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
