I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
nutella sex= disaster
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
