Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
where are my eyebrows?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
