Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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