You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
