My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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