cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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