but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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