Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
