I just gift wrapped bread.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
