i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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