Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
