i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
