i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
