That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i out mim tonsoeep
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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