kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
