btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
