I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
