Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
