I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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