i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
