Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
