When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did I show you my penis last night?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
