Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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