i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
