If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
