I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
