I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
